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Blood and rust by ~metaking:iconmetaking:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Human Nature > Fixed


Hold my brothers the men of iron come
Hold my brothers the men of iron come to die

Rember my borthers the lost
Rember my brothers the lost sisters screams

Fight my brothers for those
Fight my brothers for those not yet

Know my brothers we live
Know my brothers we live for others

See my brother his iron skin
See my brother his iron skin bleeds too
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Submitted: March 18
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Author's Comments

This poem was me working with double meaning, and how a few (in this case 2) extra words can change the meaning of a sentance

i probably need to explain line 3 and 4
3 means rember the fallen dead, other people who fought
4 refers to females and in effect elderly and children being slaughtered

on line 6 "those not yet" refers to children

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~zab1000:iconzab1000: Mar 18, 2008, 8:53:28 PM
Quite good. I think it can be understood what you meant, especially if you read it over several times.
If you expanded on it, readers might get the setting more and it would make more sense.
Interesting metaphors.

--
My avatar I made myself
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I pray that my criticism is constructive and my compliments are encouraging. Simply: the cons I mention help you get better and the pros make you want to get better
~metaking:iconmetaking: Mar 19, 2008, 5:35:11 PM
Probably, i lose alot of good poetry, because i don't write it down fast enough >.<
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